


Where there is life, there is hope

by Saluzozette



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, I appologise for that, Just Friendship, because well... they're gonna die, but painful friendship, this is so Sad...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:43:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8854930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saluzozette/pseuds/Saluzozette
Summary: Why was Grantaire fighting?He had made it pretty clear he didn't believe in their ideal. Grantaire didn't believe in anything. But Grantaire was always there, right behind them, despite everything he said, despite his lack of faith, and he seemded ready to follow his friends wherever they would go. Why?





	

“Black, the night that ends at last.”  
It was kind of reassuring for Enjolras to see Marius singing along with their friends. It didn't necessarily mean that he would fight with them when the time comes, but the leader couldn't worry too much about that. Mairus had his own choice to make, and they would totally understand if he happened to chose Cosette over them. Marius wasn't a part of this fight as much as the rest of them were. He had not interest in the Republic, as he was a Bonapartist, but he was still their friend. As such, he had the right to chose.  
After Marius departure with Eponine, Enjolras looked around, quite pleased with what he saw. Combeferre, Courfeyrac and Joly were making gun powder over the table, while Feuilly, Musichetta et Jehan were sewing French flags. The leader would have liked to see Gaveroche somewhere else than with Bahorel and Bossuet, who were cleaning the weapons, but it had been established long ago that he had absolutely no authority over the boy whatsoever. Enjolras, who was leading a revolution, couldn't make a ten-years-old boy obey him. Gaveroche answered to his own free will only.  
It was the calm and quiet of his surroundings that made the blond man noticed Grantaire's absence. Would he has been there, the air would have been filled with bursting laugher, drunk babbling and smutty songs, but he was nowhere to be seen, and Enjolras suddenly felt oppressed by the tension in the room. They were all too serious for his liking, which meant something. Tomorrow they would fight, maybe die, and they should have been celebrating the end of an era tonight. It didn't matter if their battle went right or wrong, no one should be glooming right now. But without Grantaire, no heart was light enough to banter. Where was Grantaire? Where was the cynic when needed?  
Enjolras found him outside the café, sitting on the front door, his everlasting, but surprinsigly full bottle of wine next to him. It was weird how small he looked to the leader right now, with his eyes lost on the wet pavement of Paris. His breath hung in the cold night air, white and light.  
“R, what are you doing?” Enjolras asked. “Come back inside.”  
He didn't step out, not knowing exactly if it was because of the cold or because of Grantaire. The dark haired man turned his face toward his friend and smiled. It wasn't Grantaire usual smile. This one was small and quite sad instead of wide and obnoxious.  
“Well, fearless leader, I'm just doing what you told us to.”  
“I'm sorry?” Enjolras asked, genuinely confused.  
“I'm asking myself what's the price I might pay tomorrow.”  
“Oh.”  
The guilt that bubbled up inside the blond man was inexplicable. Why was he feeling guilty? Tomorrow was scary, but he didn't push anyone to fight. He just wanted his friends to be really sure of what they were doing. They had to know why they fought for, they had to know what could be their fate, they had to know they were surely marching toward their death. Enjolras was pretty sure they all knew their reasons, except maybe for Marius who was still wondering. Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Jehan, Joly, Feuilly, Bossuet, Bahorel, Musichetta and Eponine, they all knew why they were fighting. But why was Grantaire fighting? That was a question Enjolras had been asking himself for some times. Grantaire had made it pretty clear he didn't believe in their ideal. Grantaire didn't believe in anything. But Grantaire was always there, right behind them, despite everything he said, despite his lack of faith, and he looked ready to follow his friends wherever they would go. Why?  
“Can you stop thinking so loud?” The cynic asked with a grin in his voice. “You're perturbing my drinking.”  
As Enjolras failed to answer, Grantaire glanced at him.  
“Are you ok?” He asked before he patted the seat next to him. “Come and sit, Apollo, I don't bite.”  
Any other day, Enjolras would have dropped the matter and left his friend alone. But tonight, too many things were unsure for him to do that. He sat without a word.  
“Come on, Enj,” Grantaire sighted, using this nickname for what could be the first time as long as the leader could record, and handing him his untouched bottle. “Drink with me to days gone by.”  
Enjolras had a moment of hesitation. It wasn't in his habit to drink, but then again, tonight was a pretty special night, wasn't it? He took the bottle and drank a long sip, much to Grantaire's surprise. The wine was both bitter and sweet on his tongue and it warmed his insides up agreeably.  
“There really must be something on your mind, tonight.” His friend joked. “You're usually not this easy to corrupt. What is it, Apollo? Can it be you fear to die?”  
“Don't you?” Enjolras retorted, quite annoyed.  
“Of course I do.”  
That was not what the leader was expecting. Grantaire, when awake and more or less sober, and when it didn't have anything to do with making the world a better place, always looked so sure of everything, so proud, so unafraid that it was kind of weird for Enjolras to acknowlege his fear now. His confusion must have been visible on his face because his friend let a giggle escaped him and again, it was too sad to really be Grantaire's.  
“What did you expect, fearless leader?” He asked. “I'm far from being as brave as you all, that much as established already.”  
“You're brave enough to admit your fear.” Enjolras replied, uneasily. “Most of us would never do that.”  
“Oh, yes. I'm a coward, but I admit it. You're right, it makes it so much better.”  
“Quite the irony here, please. I'm trying to help you.”  
“Can't help it, Apollo. I'm the cynic, remember?”  
Enjolras sighed with exasperation and took another sip of wine.  
“Why are you here then, R?” He asked.  
“What?”  
“If you're so afraid of dying, what are you doing here? You could literally be anywhere else, drinking your life away, but no. You stick with us, you stick with a cause you don't believe in, even though you could die. Why?”  
When Grantaire failed to answer, the leader felt a rising anger inside him. The feeling was no surprise. Grantaire's contradictions had always managed to drive Enjolras mad.  
“No offense,” He added. “but I don't understand you. No one his forcing you to fight, you know? We won't hold you back.”  
“Will the world remember you when you fall?”  
Grantaire's voice has been soft and quiet. He wasn't looking at his friend, but rather at the ground. Enjolras could still see the small smile on his lips.  
“I'm sorry?”  
“You're right, Apollo, I don't believe in your cause.” The dark haired man explained. “I've seen enough of the world to be unable to believe in your utopia.”  
“It is not!...”  
“Hear me out! I don't believe there is anything left in this world worth a fight. I don't think tomorrow is going to turn out fine, and I know that none of us is going to make it.”  
“R...”  
“But, even though I have no hope left for this world, there is still something I would gladly die for : You. I'm a cynic, Enjolras. A non-believer. Life has hurt me too much for me to hope for anything more that what I already have. What would I do with myself if I survived tomorrow? I'd rather die here with you all, fighting for something, anything, than keep on living without you and your stupid beautiful cause to give me hope. I have nothing else left anyway.”  
It was rare for Enjolras to be at lost with words, but right now? He couldn't get anything out of his mouth. Grantaire shrugged, still not looking up from the floor, and took the bottle from the leader numb hands.  
“Now, if you really want me to go, if you ask me to leave, I will.” He said, but it was clear from his tone that it was killing him inside to say those words. “But it would be unfair.” He added after a sip of wine.  
“I don't want you to go.” Enjolras pressed, suddenly quite frantic. “For dear God, Grantaire, don't you dare walk out on us.”  
This owned him a grin.  
“I have faith for tomorrow, but I'm scared too.” The leader eventually admitted after a rather long silence. “I know we can make a difference somehow, but I'm not sure I want to pay the price of that change. Would it be my only life, I would gladly pay. No regrets, no second thoughts. But it could be all of our lives, or only some, or everyone except me, and that, that is terrifying.”  
“Any of our friends would gladly give their lives for the cause, you know?” Grantaire assured. “I mean, you're a bunch of freaking idiots after all, and I'm the dumbest of all because I follow you.”  
Enjolras reminded silent for a while, trying to keep control over the vicious, gigantic cold fear that was swirling in his guts. The very thought of any of his friends dying made him want to puke, and as much as he wanted to keep that from Grantaire, he couldn't help the small terrified question that fell from his lips.  
“Can it be our death mean nothing at all?”  
The leader didn't dare look up at his friend's face, but it didn't matter, because he could feel Grantaire's gaze on him anyway.  
“You're not allowed to have doubts.”  
The cynic's tone was fierce and sharp, as if Enjolras's fear was an injure toward him. His hand grasped the blond man's shoulder.  
“If you doubt the cause, how can our friends keep faith in it?” Grantiare asserted firmly. “If you doubt your own cause, you'd better drop it right now. What's the point in throwing your life away if you're not sure about why you're doing it?”  
“You think I'm throwing my life away?” Enjolras asked quietly.  
“We all are. We could be enjoying ourselves, but we're here, aren't we? We try to change things. To improve them. And as much as I think it is hopeless, it is still a noble cause. Our friends are all willing to die for it, but if you stumble, we will all stumble with you. If you, Enjolras, are not sure about what you're doing, then you are sending us all to our death, because no matter what happen, we will follow you wherever you go. So you have to be sure where you're going.”  
“You could die following me!” Enjolras protested. “You could all die for me, why? What did I do? Don't you value your life a little bit more?”  
“Is your life just one more lie? Do you want to make it a lie? Because that's what you're doing. Keep doubting it and everything you ever told us, everything you ever stood for will be a bit fat lie. And then I will have been right all along.”  
Grantaire looked furious, but he managed to calm himself so fast Enjolras didn't even get the time to say a word.  
“You don't understand, Apollo. You don't have to do anything. We love you. We believe in you. It is more than enough for any of us. The real question here is do you believe in yourself? In your action?”  
“Yes, I do.” The leader answered after a few seconds.  
“Then worry not.” Grantaire stated with a nice smile. “We might be afraid of dying, but as long as it is with you, for you and for your ideal, it is ok. Death is not so scary anymore.”  
“Thank you, R...”  
“Don't mention it. What do you say we go back inside now? It's cold out here, and I have no wine left.”  
Enjolras snorted as his friend got up and went back into the café. He stayed still and listened to Grantaire's steps going up the staires. When he heard the laughs of Bossuet and Courfeyrac, he knew things would be ok. Jehan indignant yelp comforted him in his idea. They might die tomorrow, their lives might end tomorrow. But they were fighting for what they believed in – either it was the cause or their friends – and maybe, just maybe, everything wouldn't go down as Grantaire said it would. After all, where there's life, there's hope, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget the kudos and comments! ;)  
> Thank you for reading!  
> <3 <3


End file.
